Your secrets so tall
See a new world unfolding
Where hearts are one
And pain’s undone
And you’re finally belonging.
And you need to know… You’re home.
–Natalie Grant
Just found out yesterday, that a dear pastor pastor friend of ours’ 20 year old son took his own life in his dorm room on Tuesday morning. I heard they ‘knew he was struggling’. With what? Death? Wanting to die? Why?
I’m sure they are ridden with ‘whys’ and ‘what ifs’. What if we could have picked him up a day sooner from college…What if it would have been Monday instead of Wednesday that they’d planned to get him and bring him home? Was he depressed? Did he need medication? What if….? What was it this young man struggled with that he felt had no answers? My questions linger. Senselessly, they seem to hang in a void. I’m sure theirs are more tortuous. Oh how confusion engulfs the heart and the mind.
My heart is deeply grieved to even begin to understand the feelings of loss the this family must be feeling at this moment. I know it was not the future they had dreamed for their precious firstborn baby boy, when he came to them as my babies have, in cute chubby innocence. Oh, the memories of him that are flooding their every waking moment. The dreams of who he was becoming will never be. I can not imagine the suddenness or intensity of their grief. Wherever they turn, they cannot escape his memory. My mother’s heart breaks over this sadness.
A wonderful Christian family. Mission trips. Great parents. Wise parents. Caring and kind parents. A Counselor for a dad? A Pastor’s family? A good one at that! A great kid! I thought these people were supposed to have all the answers? If it could be ‘done right’, it seemed they did. What went wrong? Why them?
Darkness engulfs the mind and the heart at times that ‘sense’ cannot understand. The Enemy taunts shrouded in darkness. How long did he work to accomplish this? The Enemy wants to claim another life along with many who he believes will question their faith in the goodness of the Father as a result. Is it that he believes Jesus will ‘lose a few’ over this?
But he does not win. He will not win. Not now, not ever. Jordan is now restored and whole with his Maker. 100% of what God originally intended when he formed him in his mother’s womb is now given back to Jordan. The Enemy lost one. He did not gain one.
O Death, where is your victory?
O Grave, Where is your sting?
I Cor. 15:55
Jesus has won again. And he will continue until he has collected all of his children to his breast.
Sleep sound in Jesus, Jordan. The torment is over. You are home now! You will be deeply mourned and terribly missed. But not for long. The dawn is yet to come! It will come soon!
Weeping may last for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Ps. 30:5
Jesus, I pray your comfort in the days, weeks and months to come over this family as they mourn the loss of their beloved son. Oh Father, you know all about this pain. Comfort them in only the way you know how. Give them Peace and fill their days with your Grace. I pray against Confusion that it will not have it’s way in their hearts. May you be glorified even in this. Thank you for loving our children better than we ever are able. I pray your Truth will reign in our hearts and minds. Give strength to hold fast to your promises. Draw them ever closer to your heart in all of this. The victory be all yours.
